Two Origins of Sadness

The trickiest part of living a life is you never know which part is reality (if there ever is) and which part is just a mental artifact. They intertwine with each other and always have power over your own will.

Maybe this is just me, as I grow older, I tend to feel more types of happiness and less types of sadness. There are still other negative moods hanging around in my life but they generally don’t stay with me very long. Maybe because emotions evaporate when they encountered their natural enemy: actions. When you feel disappointed, you can talk about it or give it up. When you feel frustrated, you can take a break or tough through. When you feel upset, you can take a step back or just channel it out. As long as there are some options, you won’t feel hopeless. However, sadness is different, it settles. And after it settles, it never converts to another emotion, it just stays there like a ignorable rock from ancient time, useless but heavy. You may think, you can still take action to change the things you feel sad about, but that’s not the kind of sadness I am talking about. Maybe, the only thing you can do with a real sadness, is to become a patient friend with it.

OK…the initial intention of this article is trying to sort out the temporal negativity from a “desolation”, as the title said. However, if I ask more, why I bother to separate them two? The answer is that, for temporal negativity, I will forcefully get rid of it by, for example, sleeping, reading, working. But for the second one, I have some sort of respect, I do not want to just get rid of it. If I do not separate them two, I will let myself being sad about things that don’t actually worth my time and emotion. However, now I realized, even for the “desolation” type of sadness, I should not stay there while trying to find a way out, because you cannot be both “want to be there” and “not want to be there”, of course it cause internal conflicts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also, there are more subtypes of “desolation”. When I was younger, it was about something romantic or heroic, when I am older it’s about something about meaning and limitation. I don’t know what it would be in the next stage of my life, so I better not fixating on pre-classifying them. Now, sadly, I am almost back on square one. I already knew for a long time that I overthink, a lot, so whenever I feel negative, I should shut down my thought process and do whatever to get rid of it. The only lesson I learned today, is that the word “negative” equals to “sadness” to me. Just a simple word game, but that’s all the progress I had. Maybe it’s powerful, like how the word “because” is so critical in the experiment conducted by Allen Langer.

I am a Machine Learning Engineer with special interest in mental health and finance.

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